Saturday, September 5, 2009

Now that I am a mom I am still me

I am very lucky to have a large group of friends all with babies the same age as Wren. In fact most of them were born on the same day, or the days before or after her. This was no coincidence, we actually became friends thanks to our babies. We make a point to all gather on Monday afternoons, some come at 1:30, others stroll in as nap times and lunch times allow, some weeks one or two of us just don't make it, but I cannot tell you how much good this 1 short afternoon does for us!

Most of us discuss milestones, changes and sleeping habits of our babies for about 10 minutes, and then it is on to other topics. Most importantly: Us! We ask one another how we are doing, what is going great and what isn't going so well. During these discussions I often hear "Well, since I am a mom now..." as if this is excuse for us to not matter as much.

I prefer to look at it as I am still Holly I just do things a little differently, and for some reason my brain will not allow me to classify myself as "Mom", only as Me. I make a big effort daily to still do all the things I enjoy, the challenge is just to make sure that Wren enjoys them too.

Coloring my hair? Still do it! Just have to do it at home now.

Reading my favorite books/magazines? All the time! Just have to share the subscription inserts with Wren, since they seem to be the funnest toy ever made.

Eatting at our favorite restaurants? Sometimes (when all the planets are in alignment) we actually eat at the restaurant, if not we are happy to cosy up in front of the fire or TV with take out.

Relaxing hot showers? I have one every morning, usually lasting 20-30 minutes. Thank goodness there is enough room for my favorite little toad to hang out and relax with me in there:


32 comments:

Tamstyles said...

I agree...I am still me to. Never changed who I was. If anything it made me more loving. I had to change priorities of course, because my kids come first..but sometimes I do! When I debate over something I may want to buy me...and think about the kids..and then I think of private school tuition...sometimes yeah I do put me first because after all tuition has to be paid by me/us but I work everyday in the house and outside so I make sure I benefit the fruits of my labors. I always here mothers saying.."well i dont buy myself anything anymore, just for my kids..." or "I can walk around looking bad, but my kid wont"...NOT I wont walk around looking bad at all unless I am having a bad day and I just dont care, and my kids the same. The have things in their closet for days out, and for playing, and running to the store. So I wish moms would stop putting themselves on the back burner..My kids are 12 and 9 now, but they know when our door is closed to keep moving...it doesnt mean that i/we are being mean...but they need to learn to respect my/our time. The point is kids adjust to you...and alot of parents make adjustments that they shouldnt for their kids. To me that leads to unhappy moms that then have regrets. Sorry so long...but I had to vent.

Ashley said...

Your pictures are gorgeous!

Krystal Wight Armstrong said...

Oh...My...Gosh; So so Cute! That must just be so fun having her around all the time :D
I'm not a mom yet, so I'm just really curious...how do you take a shower with a baby in there too?
I can't picture how that would work. Does she have some kindof little seat she's buckled into, that sits in a corner out of the water path? I hope that's not too nosy...I just thought that might be a helpful thing to know for the future (when babies do come along for me).

Rebecca said...

I don't have kids (yet) but i do agree with your statement. I think it is so important for women to stay true to themselves. After all, they are such role models for their children!

Wren is beautiful and i have to tell you that i just reconnected with my bff from first grade and her name is Wren. She moved to Florida from NY when we were in first grade! So she and your Wren are the only ones i know!

Karen@StrictlySimpleStyle said...

I loved it when you said she played with the magazine inserts while you read. If you involve them in some way with what you're doing, they will be more content. If I wanted to paint something in my garage, I would give my little girl a paint brush and bucket and let her "paint" the driveway. Many projects were accomplished this way.

Suzy said...

Omg, such cute pictures. LOVE THEM!

Martha said...

THOSE EYES on your little Birdie! So adorable!

kristinwithani said...

Great perspective.
It is so hard for me to hear women say, "Well, I'm a mom so....." in a demeaning way. You are still YOU! I want to know YOU - not necessarily the mom in you. Sure, as you said, priorities change but at the core you are who you are.
One of my best friends asked me when she was pregnant with her first to yell at her if she ever became "frump mom". She hasn't. But I love her enough to let her know if she's putting her kids above her Maker or her husband.

Charlotte said...

i remember my daughter's (she 6yo. now) babyhood...i seemed to have enough time for myself..with her taking naps and going to bed early, my husband and i always had quiet diners together...the key for us was sticking to a solid routine.

your photos are beautiful...take as many as you can...video too....it truly is amazing how like a flash these early years go by. they are indeed...just a moment in the course of a family's life.
xox

MrsKBJ said...

I also have a play group. We try to meet at least once a week. We meet at parks, the mall, panera bread, ect. It is great, you really need that time to chat with other moms. It is also so cute to watch the babies play. Our group is very simular to yours- all our babies are so close in age. I often joke I have more of a social life now that I have my daughter. Another thing we do is once in a while all my mommy friends and I (and even a few that aren't moms) go have a little ladies night out. We usually do a dinner or lunch and see a movie. The husbands stay home with the kids. In a couple of weeks we are going to the Melting Pot. I am looking forward to it! :O) I also agree about still keeping up with your before baby life. That is very important do things you enjoy still.

Holly and Sean said...

Thanks so much everyone! I think that mom's around the world are starting to realize that you make a better mom when you are happy, relaxed and enjoying yourself.

Tam, I love your part about the door being closed! That is so wonderful that your kids know that means mom is taking a time out.
Kids take a lot of work so we need all the energy we can get!

Rebecca, that is awesome that you reconnected with your old friend! I am asked regularly if we got Wren's name from the cartoon "baby blues" but your lucky friend wouldn't have that problem LOL.

Krystal, we LOVE showers, and most babies we know love them too! We just sit on the floor out of the water (usually under the spout) so we can play and splash but still keep it out of our eyes. I could see this being much harder before they can sit on their own since it would be very slippery to hold a wiggler, but it is a blast now!

Elizabeth said...

I think it is so great that you still make time for the things you like to do and Wren has to just join in. I have so many friends who have turned into a completely different person and their whole life is consumed by their child/ren and I don't even "know" them anymore. Wren is such a cutie!

Miss I "Dew" said...

Sounds like you are doing a GREAT job at being you and a mom!! Wren is so adorable!

cousin Deb said...

I found your blog a while ago and I love your style. Your baby is beautiful!

Krystal Wight Armstrong said...

That's so neat, thanks for the explanation! Would have never thought :)

Shannon and Carey said...

A post after my own heart. And I have TWINS! They are 3. I know all about sharing inserts, mail, FOOD, drink, having to leave restaurants, leave church. BUT I still get my hair colored away from home. I would mess it up. lol

I 2nd Tamstyles thoughts too.

You definitely have to share when you have kids but you are still you. I am trying to teach the kids "Mommy is taking a break right now" Abigail gets it, Porter still needs some work.

Good post.

The sermon this morning was about what we sacrifice for our family/kids. It hit home.

-Shannon in Austin

Shannon and Carey said...

and forgive me!

Wren is gorgeous. Wanna pinch those cheeks.

-Shannon

Brenda said...

Holly you are so right. I am "me" just different. My priorities are different and I do things differently but I try to be who I am as much as possible. I just had this conversation yesterday with another mom. SHe was appaled that at 8 weeks post partum I got myself a personal trainer. Believe it or not I enjoyed this time, by myself, I felt good afterwards and wanted to look good in my jeans :) THere is no rule that after you have babies you can't look good, feel good and do good for yourself. We all deserve this time. It's okay to be a little selfish. after all I think it makes us better moms, wives, friends, sisters, just better at what we do.

Jess said...

I so loved this post! Seeing as how I will be a mommy as of THIS FRIDAY (yay)! I was so excited to read this and hear your views. I am soooo right there with you. I may be asking you for advice pretty soon! It sounds like your play group is awesome and it really encourages me to find one too!

L.Duncan said...

I COMPLETELY understand where you and everyone else is coming from. I am a stayat home mom to 3 boys (1,3,4) and it is tough trying to hold on to what is left of yourself prebaby! I try to have as much ME time as possible and as much time with my girlfriends who went back to work after having their kids. I love that you did this post because I sometimes have to remember that sometimes it's okay to buy myself something or do something just for me.

This is my first comment on your blog so let me say this: I love love love the way you transform those furniture pieces, Wren is one of the CUTEST babies I've ever seen, and I love your photos! Okay I guess that sums it up!

L.Duncan
Home23duncanboys.blogspot.com

Jill said...

Love your blog - When I had my first daughter 11 years ago, I too had a playgroup that met once and week and was my lifeline! It was such a wonderful event in our week. I am happy to report that I am still call 5 of these lovely ladies my friends. I have moved across the country and these former playgroup mommies came to visit me and I still talk to them at least once a week! We bonded over our babies and being first time mom TOGETHER - we plan to dance at our kids weddings! I have no doubt that will happen.
Cheers! Jill

Jenna said...

When I have kids I hope to still maintain a sense of self an keep on enjoying the same things I do now. Wren is a ridiculously gorgeous little baby. She has the prettiest eyes!

mrs.markley said...

What an inspiration this was to me! I admit, I'm one of those moms who too often forgets to take time to enjoy things I love in addition to motherhood. But gosh are you right that life doesn't have to stop, it just changes a little. And takeout in front of a fire or tv at home is more comfy on the couch than in a booth or at a crowded restaurant table anyway. :)

Little Lovables said...

I totally agree! lovely post

The DIY Show Off said...

She's so precious!

One of the best gifts you can give your child is your happiness. :)

Roeshel

sarah said...

Those eyes!! She is absolutely adorable!

Mrs. McB said...

Adorable pictures of Wren. I love those eyes!

AniDoll said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AniDoll said...

You're such an artist! I love the pictures... soooo cute :-)

Rebecca said...

Well said! I think its so valuable to Wren that she has a mommy who has such a happy attitude and is confident in who she is!!!

hopeful #1 said...

I like the way you think! I wish moms all over felt the same way. using the mom thing as a crutch isn't very nice. You're just you... they way we like it and we grow to love it more!

Chelsea J said...

So what do you use to color your own hair?

 
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